


You (make me run, make me live)

by dvs



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: Alternate Reality, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-12-28
Updated: 2010-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-14 04:48:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/145537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dvs/pseuds/dvs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once more down the rabbit hole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You (make me run, make me live)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [suzvoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/suzvoy/gifts).



> For the lovely Suz. Fic title taken from her vid song, [You](http://suzvoy.livejournal.com/2514054.html), by Fisher.

## I.

Reid woke up feeling hot. Feverish hot, in fact. Too hot to be under the covers on a summer night hot. He pulled a face, slapping the sheet away with both hands before grabbing a fistful and pulling it aside, dropping it to the floor.

He frowned and tilted his head slightly to peer up at the ceiling. Though not a man against bringing his work home, Reid was simply not the kind of guy comfortable with having a large lamp over his bed, one traditionally found in an operating room.

Reid sat up and looked around. “This is not my bedroom.”

He hopped off the operating table, landing on his booted feet. He slapped his hands on his thighs, noting the welcome presence of his black jeans, followed by his black shirt over a black t-shirt. Either regulations at the hospital were really slipping (likely) or this was not the hospital at all.

Reid curled his lip, walking towards the doors, reaching out tentatively and pushing them open. A long corridor lay ahead of him, white and gleaming. A tall young man appeared in front of him, stepping out of nowhere, all dressed in white with a bright smile.

Reid smiled at him appreciatively. “Hello, attractive figment on my imagination.”

The nurse grinned and handed Reid a small card with a number on it. “They're expecting you, Doctor Oliver. If you just go to the end of corridor and take a seat in the waiting room.”

Reid looked at the elegant number seven printed on the cream coloured card, wondering if the waiting room at the end of the corridor was as interesting a place in his mind than the operating room out of which he had just stepped out.

“You know what, I think I left my watch back there,” he said, turning around and stepping right into what appeared to be a waiting room. Reid looked behind him, finding a long corridor with a door at the end and then looked back into the waiting room. Interesting, he thought. Kind of freaky, but interesting.

The room was all white with steel chairs that had red cushioned seats and backs. He found they were as uncomfortable as they looked when he sat down next to a girl who looked about seven. Maybe eight. Or nine. Kids all looked the same age. Reid frowned at her. He didn't know this girl's face. In fact, he didn't know any of the faces in this room. And the irate sweaty guy who was sitting on Reid's other side, that was not a face that could be easily forgotten.

“Hey,” Reid said to him. “Remember me?” The man gave him a suspicious and rather unfriendly look. Reid smiled. “I'll take that as a no.”

He looked back at the kid in her white floral dress and white shoes. Whatever this place was, Reid kind of wished this kid didn't have to be here.

“Hey. I'm Reid,” he said.

The girl looked at him with wide eyes that were almost black they were so dark. “Hi. I'm Tess.”

Reid nodded. “What do you think about the chairs?”

Tess blinked and suddenly Reid thought of Luke. Chairs, really, Luke would say. You see a scared little kid and you ask her what she thinks about furnishing? You're an idiot. Reid would have been inclined to agree.

“Okay, I guess,” Tess said. Reid smiled, deciding no words should come out of his mouth now. “Are you scared?”

“Ah... excuse me?” Reid responded.

“The lady who brought me here said not to be scared. She was really nice,” Tess said.

Reid nodded. “Good to know. Appreciate it.”

Tess nodded, swinging her legs back and forth. A door at the head of the room opened and a lady who looked as though she had stepped right out of some old world library smiled in Tess's direction.

“Tess?” she said, holding out a hand.

Tess slipped off her chair and went towards the woman, turning back momentarily to wave at Reid with a smile and, “Bye!”

Reid waved back, hoping Tess would be okay, even if this was some kind drug induced fictional landscape or a hallucination brought about by a final surge of chemicals before his body finally gave out under the strain of death.

“Reid Oliver, this way please.”

Reid looked up to see a rather tall and weedy man standing in an entirely different doorway which up until now had certainly not existed. The man kind of looked like a cross between Peewee Herman and a fleshed out Jack, the pumpkin king. He was dressed neatly in well tailored black suit with matching black shirt and tie and shoes shined to within an inch of their lives. He was grinning at Reid in a most unnerving fashion.

When Reid made no attempt to move, the man mouthed, “I am talking to you.”

Reid slowly got up and nodded. The pumpkin king turned around and Reid followed him into an office which was a large white cube with a glass desk in the centre, two seats either side.

“Take a seat, Reid, please. I'm Gabe and I have been assigned as your transition officer to make your passing without trauma. Feel free to ask any questions. But first, would you like a beverage? I find many souls are soothed by performing rituals reminiscent of their time spent in human form.”

Reid wanted a Scotch, a whole bottle. But this room had no furniture and this Gabe was totally going to produce a drink out of nowhere and Reid was going to have to stop delaying the freak-out cowering under a rock in his mind somewhere.

Reid smiled. “I'm good. Thanks.”

Gabe smiled, wide and unnaturally. “Well, it's certainly refreshing to see someone so calm. Now, you must have questions, so let's start there, shall we?” Reid stared at him hard. He stared at him long and he stared at him hard. Gabe's smile fell and he sighed. “Oh, Lord. You think this is an hallucination.”

“Finally, something that makes sense,” Reid said with a smile and nod.

Gabe gave him a stern look. “Reid, this place is not of your imagining. This is the place where you will pass over. In order for you to move out of transition, it's very important you believe that you're here.”

“Sorry, not happening.”

Gabe scowled and huffed. “You're making my job very difficult.”

“Yeah, your fictional job. In my mind,” Reid pointed out.

Gabe leaned forward and very calmly said, “It's hard for the soul to forget being human. For some it takes months of therapy to finally detach and accept. Months of talking and talking and talking. Mostly about feelings.”

“Fine, I'm believer, now what?”

“Wonderful,” Gabe said with a pleased smile, peering at Reid. “Now, let's see. Ah, yes, you are an exceptional case. All the extra options make sense now.”

Reid frowned. “Um... what are you doing?”

“Reading your file,” Gabe said. Reid looked around and then back at Gabe. Gabe nodded. “Yes, you're the file.”

Reid nodded, feeling rather numb. “Right. Of course. I'm the file.”

Reid stood up, pushing his chair away, feeling giddy all of a sudden, his fake heart, his missing heart, the space where he had heart, still able to beat out of control in anger and in fear.

“Reid?” Gabe asked, sounding cautious but never afraid.

“You. Have got to be. Kidding me!” Reid yelled. “This is it? This is the afterlife? Some guy in a suit in an office? Waiting rooms and therapy?”

Gabe stood up looking scandalized. “Why, you're not calm at all.”

Reid stared at him. “Wow.”

Gabe fidgeted, pouting a little. “Well, I'm new at this too, you know.” Reid stared some more. Gabe smiled a little and said, “I used to work in accounts.”

Reid nodded and said. “I am now going to have the biggest freak-out you've ever seen.”

The blinding light couldn't have lasted more than a second, but it seemed oddly infinite at the same time and his body felt ripped open by a million emotions he didn't know or could ever have conceived and they all converged into one feeling that brought tears to his eyes.

When Reid opened his eyes, he was lying on a comfortable but lumpy couch with a soft blanket draped over him. There was a strange feeling in his chest, like something terrible and wonderful was barely being contained. Like someone had used a crappy elastic band to shut a tiny box with a huge elephant inside it.

The heaviness in his chest kept him pinned to the couch, his limbs feeling like lead weights. He slowly looked around at his surroundings. An unlit room sometime late in the afternoon so the light came in through the window shining soft warmth down Reid's body. The wall opposite him had an iron fireplace, loaded with wood, but not burning. The alcoves either side were stuffed with volumes. The desk in front of the large bay window was cluttered with files and papers. A rotary phone sat atop a bunch of books. A record was playing, a slow heavy sound, blue and gritty, trapping him further .

“You weren't kidding when you said you were going to have the biggest freak-out Gabe's ever seen.”

Reid slowly angled his head to get a look at the voice behind the desk. He could vaguely make out a head of curls, but that was about it. Reid sat up slowly and the woman came into view a little more, her features mostly hidden thanks to the sunlight shining into Reid's eyes.

Reid pulled aside the blanket and sat up, feet placed flat on the ground. He could see his boots at the end of the couch, unlaced and waiting to be worn again. He shook his head and laughed.

“Human rituals,” the woman said. “It'll make you feel better.”

Reid looked in her direction, unable to tell if she was watching him or otherwise occupied or just sitting there listening to this song. He shrugged and put his boots on. He felt perhaps marginally better.

“Just so you know, you might want to rethink your policy on transitions in the afterlife,” Reid said. “I'm pretty sure most people aren't expecting waiting rooms and suits. Even people who don't believe in all this.”

“Do you believe? I mean, now,” she asked.

The strange sadness flared up in his chest, that feeling he couldn't define. Sadness mingled with awe. All he knew was, to feel it in its full extent again, it would probably kill him even in this afterlife.

Reid said, “I felt this place. Before. When I... freaked out.”

“It can be overwhelming. But sometimes it's the only way to convince a human soul of where they are. They're so attached to their human life, leave too many pieces behind. Like you.”

Reid snorted. “I never really had much to leave behind.”

“You left your heart behind. There's a piece of you alive, even though you're not. My bosses never anticipated humans growing to be this... insane.” She laughed, but it was without malice. “People leaving pieces of themselves so others can live,” she said, quietly, as if lost in thought. “It's rather charming.”

“Is he going to be okay?” Reid asked.

“Doctor Doogie? He'll be fine. He's not due up for a while.”

Reid swallowed, nodding. “Good.”

Reid looked up to see his host standing behind the desk, walking around it and coming into view. Well, a sort of view. The light cast over the couch was still obscuring Reid's view of her. All he could see was an hourglass figure with a head of curls, a shadow amongst the other shadows in the room.

Reid watched her for a while. “So... you said bosses. I take it you're not... y'know.”

She chuckled. “If I was, you'd know.”

“Who are you then?”

“I'm... you can call me Moira.”

“And I got sent to you because?”

“Well... you're one of mine.”

Reid stood up slowly. “One of yours. What does that mean?”

Moira held out a hand, beckoning him over. “Come.”

He went to her and the sunlight seemed to stay in his eyes, so he never quite saw her. There was a hint of a bright smile and dark eyes, but he could never see for sure at whom or what he was looking.

She was pointing at a filing cabinet, opening the top drawer to show it crammed with files. “These are your lives, Reid. All the lives I have extrapolated so far from the choices you have, haven’t, won't, will, should and shouldn't make. All that's missing from them are your actions.”

Reid stared at the files and then spun around and looked at the room. “I've been here before.”

Moira was quiet for a moment. “You remember.”

Reid looked around the room, looking for the record player he knew wouldn't be there. “I remember this song. You always play this song. You always ask me to pick a file. Do it again, do it differently. Over and over.”

“Not always,” Moira said.

Reid stared at her. “What does that mean?”

“Well, there's the get off the wheel of life and death card. In your case, get hit by a train trying to save a life and saving that life card. I can make these files disappear. I can unlock your soul so it's free to rejoin the place from where it was taken. Eternal peace. Yadda.”

Reid rubbed his chest. The heaviness, it made sense. The sorrow was at being bound, unable to rejoin that place from where souls were broken off and put into human Petri dishes. The happiness was being this close to some kind of eternal escape.

Reid eyed the cabinet and the files inside. All the things he hadn't done. All the forks in the road. He had no idea how many spins of the wheel he was looking at here. And in those files... there was the once person he was trying so hard not to think about.

“My oh my. You're actually weighing up eternal peace against Luke Snyder.” Reid was silent. For every straining inch of his soul that yearned for escape, there was a strange shape in his chest that said, go back. Moira said, “There's no guarantee your paths will cross again.”

“Liar,” Reid said.

“There's no guarantee they will cross in the way you desire,” Moira amended. “Would you like to know the amount of times you two were in the same room and completely ignored each other?”

“No. But you can tell me how many times Luke Snyder dragged me down to Oakhell.” Reid asked. “Unless it's too much of an insignificant number of course.”

Moira laughed, a small surprised burst. “I do enjoy it when you visit.”

“Go ahead,” Reid said. “Put me down the rabbit hole again. I can take it. And it's not like I'll be gone a long time. Right?”

“You don't know that,” Moira said.

“Please. I haven't hit forty once yet,” Reid said, before asking quietly, “Have I?”

“And whose stupid-assed fault is that?” Moira asked.

Reid shrugged, making a face. “My stupid ass?”

“Do it differently, I tell you every time. But do you listen?” Moira asked. “No. Up you come with your freak outs and stupid faces.”

Reid smiled. “What do you care? I'm just a file.”

“I don't care,” Moira said without any heat. “I don't.”

“Sure you don't,” Reid said.

“Don't you go trying to lay that charm on me. It doesn't work up here,” Moira said. She pulled opened the draw in the filing cabinet. “Pick one, go on.” Reid reached for a file. “Not that one. Or that. That's a good one.”

“Really, it's a good one?”

“Yeah. Just... watch out for buses.”

“Wait... what?”

## II.

The little girl was jumping up and down trying to reach a book on a shelf which was too high. She even used her little princessy wand to try and poke at the book, with little success.

“Here, let me help,” Luke said, pointing at the shelf. “This one? This one? This one.”

The girl nodded when Luke reached the right one, smiling as he handed her the book. “Thank you,” she said shyly, her face going almost as pink as her coat and and boots and hat and scarf.

“You gonna get your mom and dad to buy that for you?” Luke asked.

She shook her head and pointed to a man who was seated at a small table usually used by children. It was possible he was actually colouring in a play book. Wearing a black coat and scarf, he looked a rather strange figure, sitting there and really focusing on his colouring technique. Luke almost found it hard to look away.

He grinned, turning to the girl. “Let me guess, your boyfriend.”

The girl giggled. “No. That's Uncle Reid. He said I can have anything as long as I stop asking him questions about his monkey heart for the love of god.”

Luke laughed. “Monkey heart?”

“Mmm hmm,” the girl nodded. “His old one was broken, so he got a new one from a monkey. Grandma says it's why he's really silly.”

Luke looked back at Uncle Reid. Silly did seem to fit the bill. Especially now that Uncle Reid was borrowing a crayon from the kid sitting next to him before offering some tips on colouring. Luke shook his head. “Wow.”

After an impressive amount of general chatter, Tessa ran off to join her uncle, sitting down at the table and holding up a book. As much as he felt compelled to watch the assortment of faces Uncle Reid was pulling, Luke made his way back to the counter, only too see Tessa again, this time with her uncle.

She was virtually bouncing on the spot for her books while Reid was preoccupied with the display of miniature books on the counter. After a while, he did look down at her and frowned, asking, “Seriously, you have like springs in your shoes?”

“Good to see kids getting this excited about buying books,” Luke said, scanning the items.

Reid looked at Luke with a frown. “She's pretty much like this about everything. She gets it from her dad's side. They're all weird.”

“I'm not weird!” Tessa said before she started to pull on Reid's coat sleeve, hard and persistently.

Even so, Reid seemed to take forever before giving in and saying, “Okay, really, I am not a church bell.”

“Uncle Reid, this is Luke's bookshop. Can I have a bookshop when I grow up?”

“Not the way your parents spend money, kiddo,” Reid said.

“I think what your uncle means, when you're a grown up, you can have whatever you want, if you work hard for it,” Luke said, giving Reid an unimpressed look.

Reid stared at him before blinking and looking down at Tessa. “Well, you are smarter than your folks.” Luke tried not to laugh, but it was hard. “What? I don't like to talk down to children,” Reid explained.

Luke held up his hands. “I'm not criticising. Forty-eight dollars and fifty cents. Please.”

“Wow. Hey, think you can knock off the fifty cents for a kid with a cute face?” Reid said, handing over his credit card .

“You're not that cute,” Luke said. When he looked up to hand the receipt over, Reid was staring at him. Luke gave him a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Kidding.”

Reid made a strange face, somewhere between a smile and frown. Luke quickly completed the transaction, handing Reid his receipt and card before handing him the bag of books. “Thanks for visiting Grimaldi's.”

Reid's mouth tilted in a smile of sorts as he looked at Luke before ushering Tessa out of the door as she as she demanded, “I want ice cream.”

“It's like the North Pole out here.”

“I promise not to tell.”

“You said that last time. You think I'm cute?”

“Boys are yucky.”

Luke watched Reid looking down at Tessa, playfully slapping the small bobble on her hat before they resumed walking away, Luke watching through the window. Just as they disappeared out of sight, Reid seemed to pop back into view, looking straight at Luke, leaving him staring at him open-mouthed. Reid scowled and this time he disappeared for real.

Luke kind of wished he hadn't.

## ***

It would be a lie if Luke told himself he hadn't thought of Reid Oliver since encountering him at the bookshop. He had popped up in at least one dream and in one mistaken identity on the street. Luke called him his temporary Christmas fantasy. The guy that could have been and never would. So when he saw Reid at the supermarket, closely inspecting an orange, he did the sensible thing and hid behind a display of flowers. Getting hung up on the guy that could have been and never would always ended in disaster.

He had successfully evaded Reid until he got to the cereal section where he got the distinct feeling someone was watching him. He slowly looked to the side to see a man holding a box of coco pops and staring at him.

“Hi,” Luke said.

“Luke. Right?”

Luke nodded. “Yeah. Uncle Reid, right?”

Reid nodded. “Yeah. Though, I kind of prefer it if people over six just call me Reid.”

Luke smiled and nodded. “So... did Tessa like her books?”

Reid grinned, amused. “I have no idea. But, hey, I did. If that counts for anything.”

Luke looked away and laughed. “Why don't I find that hard to believe?”

Reid shrugged. “I don't know. Why don't you find that hard to believe?”

Luke stared at Reid for a moment, the other man still smiling in infinite amusement of something. It wasn't right that a man could make the cereal aisle so much more appealing just by standing there and smiling. It was weird. Oddly unsettling in fact.

Luke wheeled his cart back a little. “Well, it was nice bumping into you.”

Reid nodded. “Yeah.” Luke began to wheel the cart away. “Oh, hey, just one thing. You don't think I'm cute? Really?”

Luke looked at Reid, blinking foolishly. “What?”

“You said I wasn't that cute,” Reid said, looking ridiculously disappointed. “It's just, most people agree that I am pretty cute. And I found it a little strange for you to take the time to notice that I'm _not_.”

Wow, Luke thought, he actually seemed to be quite serious about this. “Are you a crazy person?”

Reid looked as though he was thinking it over. “Right now?”

Luke looked at him and laughed before nodding. “Yeah... Look, I have to go now.”

“Girlfriend expecting you?” Reid asked.

“No,” Luke said slowly. “I don't have a girlfriend.”

“ _Boy_ -friend?” Reid asked slightly melodramatically.

“No, I do not have a boyfriend,” Luke said. “At the moment.”

Reid grinned, holding out his hands, one of them still in possession of coco pops. “I don't know about you, Mr. Grimaldi, but I have a urge to put back my frozen meal for one.”

“Okay, number one, Mr. Grimaldi is my father and it's kind of gross you calling me that seeing that you're offering dinner, for which by the way, thank you.”

“Noted.”

“Number two, sorry, but I have plans tonight.”

“Washing your hair?” Reid asked.

“No,” Luke said, rolling his eyes.

“Because you don't need to. You have great hair.”

Luke commanded his mouth to stop breaking into smiles and tried to remain stern. “Thank you. I've got to go now.”

Reid shrugged. “Okay. No problem. Oh and, you really do have great hair. Seriously.”

Luke speechlessly stared at Reid for a moment, before nodding and offering a polite smile as he departed, quicker than necessary even by his own reckoning.

## ***

“So, how's Damian?” Lucinda asked, sitting on the other side of the table, a piano tinkling away somewhere behind her.

Luke put down his fork and nodded. “He's good. Wrapped up in work, as usual.”

Lucinda nodded. “And, how are things between you two?”

Luke took a gulp of wine. “Good. He still doesn't get why I'm wasting my life running a little store instead a huge business empire, but that's just Dad, I guess.”

Lily nodded with dismay. “He's never been one to see any way other than his own.”

“Grandmother,” Luke warned.

“It's an opinion,” Lucinda said with a wave of her hand. “I'm hardly in a place to comment on other people's stubborn and pigheaded behaviour.”

Luke smiled. “And yet, here you are doing exactly that.”

Lucinda stilled for a moment, as if realising something inconsequential. “Why, look at that, so I am.”

“You're terrible,” Luke said with a laugh.

“Darling, someone has to be.”

Lucinda continued comment on every name that was probably in her phonebook, but Luke's attention was being drawn elsewhere. A man wearing a white chef's jacket was being led to a table by a waiter. He was introduced to a table of diners where he appeared to receive some smiles and words. When the exchange ended, he turned to leave which was when his eyes connected with Luke from the other side of the room.

They both stared at each other for a while before Luke nodded in Reid's direction and smiled. Reid held up his hand in a wave of sorts. Someone at his side prodded until he had Reid's reluctant attention, finally dragging him away and leaving behind a horridly Reidless room.

“You know the chef?” Lucinda asked, having followed Luke's gaze.

Luke shook his head. “No. Not really.”

Lucinda sighed. “What a shame. A chef _and_ a dish.” Luke shook his head. “What? Oh, come on, he was positively edible.”

Luke plunked an elbow on the table and propped his face up in the palm of his hand with a sigh and amused smile. “Maybe a little.”

Lucinda's mouth dropped open. She moved her plate and wine aside, leaning in. “Talk. Now.”

Luke shrugged. “He seems nice.”

“Well, get in there and get his number. Unless... oh, he's _not_ , you know...” Lucinda winked.

Luke rolled his eyes. “Gay? That's not the problem. He asked me out and I, well, I pretty much ran away.”

Lucinda frowned. “Why on earth would someone run away from _that_?”

Luke growled, covering his face with both hands for a second, before saying, “I don't know. I just... I freaked out.”

Lucinda looked as confused as Luke felt. “About what?”

Luke sat back in his chair, thought about Reid, a man he hardly knew and yet there was something so comfortably familiar. “I'm not really sure. I guess... maybe I'm just scared I could really fall for someone like that.”

Lucinda looked slightly alarmed, but then smiled and said, “Well, he should count himself lucky if that's what happens. And it's about damn time.” She grinned and raised her glass.

Luke smiled at her optimism, raising his glass.

## ***

Luke had only been at the party about an hour when he begun to question if he wanted to stay any longer. This year's Christmas parties seemed so damn... couple-y and the problem with couples was they always wanted to know why he was still a lonely number. He'd pretty much had enough of being told to jump back in the saddle and that there were plenty of fish in the sea. He didn't need it tonight.

Luke knocked back more wine, mingling and moving through one glass of wine to another, smiling and nodding his way through a few conversations. He was contemplating calling a cab when he heard a familiar voice, dryer than the wine in his glass.

“Are you following me?”

Luke turned around to see Reid in a black suit, top two buttons of his black shirt open. For a moment Luke forgot whatever response he had been formulating. After a few seconds he managed to scrunch up his face and say, “I was here before you.”

“Now you're just trying to blind me with logic,” Reid said.

“From what I know about you, I don't think that's possible,” Luke said with a little laugh. “What are you even doing here?”

Reid smiled, watching Luke with open interest. “Well, I met a very interesting lady who wanted to compliment me on my work by inviting me to a small party.”

Luke stared at Reid before looking around for Lucinda. When he caught sight of her she waved back with an excited grin as Luke sagged where he stood. He turned to Reid, poking him in the chest as Reid pulled a face at the finger. “You're a chef.”

Reid nodded. “Won't deny it.”

“How dare you talk about buying frozen meals for one,” Luke said

“Hey, chefs gotta eat too,” Reid said with a shrug. “Besides, those frozen meals get a bad rap.”

Luke shook his head, noting it made the room see-saw a bit when he stopped. “You are very odd. I find you to be a very odd man. You're not like... like--”

Luke stopped. Maybe it was the wine or just the season, but he suddenly felt strangely morose. Like he was carrying a great big weight in his chest and looking at Reid made it hurt a little.

“I'm not like what?” Reid prodded gently.

“You're... not like anyone I've ever met before,” Luke said thoughtfully. “And I still feel like I know...” Luke cleared his throat, blinking and taking a deep shuddering breath. “I need some air.”

Luke put down his glass, found his coat and made a quick exit, trying to avoid goodbyes, slipping out discreetly as possible. Outside, the air was blissfully cold, the snow falling gently, the neighbourhood quiet and peaceful.

“That is so not cool,” Reid said, suddenly stepping out in front of Luke. “You can't just say weird stuff to a guy and run out like that. You know, especially a guy you could _really like?_ ”

Luke stared at Reid. “Firstly, I am going to kill my grandmother. Secondly, I'm drunk. I may throw up soon. I think we can safely assume anything I say or do tonight should not be remembered by either of us.” He waved at Reid. “Bye.”

Luke turned around, promptly slipping and falling face first into inches deep snow. “Ow,” he groaned as an arm locked around his and began to heave him up.

“Don't worry,” Reid said flatly. “I think your hair broke the fall.”

## ***

Luke woke up because he could hear the quiet sound of talking and felt the morning light tapping his eyelids gently. The night before came back in heavy clumps of memory. Lucinda's party and annoying guests. Wine. So much wine. Reid. Not enough Reid. Snow. A cab ride and a stumbling journey up some steps and into an elevator followed by cold water and strong coffee and...

Now he was opening his eyes to find an expensive television displaying James Stewart and an angel in conversation. Sitting up slowly, he saw Reid at the end of the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table. He had lost his blazer and rolled up his shirt sleeves before falling asleep watching the TV.

Luke extracted himself from under a warm blanket as carefully as possible before sitting up properly and peering at the apartment which was lit up light and bright with sunshine. It was large and bare. Slim on furnishings and belongings, clean lines and wooden floors. Almost like the man who lived here wasn't stopping for long.

Luke looked at Reid. No, he took his fill of looking, safe to do so with Reid asleep and not reading Luke with his clever eyes. Luke was vaguely aware of having said something colossally stupid earlier, but thankfully that was lost to his memory now.

He scooted closer to Reid, barely resisting the urge to reach out and just feel the warmth of his flushed cheeks. Instead his finger just lightly traced the collar of Reid's shirt and came away.

“Usually, if someone like you asked me why I didn't think you were cute, I'd say you were wrong,” Luke said quietly, a small smile playing on his lips. “But you scare the hell out of me and I have no idea why. Which is crazy.” Luke sighed, running a hand over his face. “ To say the least.”

Reid groaned in his sleep before sighing and turning slightly towards Luke. It afforded Luke a glimpse of something he hadn't caught sight of before. There through the opening of his shirt, a scar was visible high on Reid's chest. It was light, faded. A shiny line that marked out the center of his chest.

Luke blinked at it, thinking of Tessa's monkey heart, the replacement for a silly man's human heart. The scar unsettled him. Something about it marking Reid the way it did, unsettled him to his core.

Luke gasped loudly when Reid's hand suddenly closed around his. Reid was pulling Luke's fisted hand to his chest, placing it there while he never broke his gaze from Luke's shocked face.

“It's okay,” Reid said. “It doesn't hurt. Doesn't do anything.”

“I'm sorry... I wasn't--”

“Luke,” Reid said gently. “It's really okay. Go ahead. See for yourself.”

Luke's hand trembled as his fist loosened and his fingers stretched out, two reaching out ever so tentatively before pressing the warmth of Reid's skin, slowly sliding down the almost unnaturally smooth skin of the scar. It seemed like such a delicate line, a silken thread that held Reid's chest together. Luke's fingers slipped away, resting curled on Reid's stomach.

When he looked up, Reid's eyes were travelling over Luke's face, eyelids fluttering when they settled on Luke's mouth. He seemed to shudder under Luke when Luke gaze moved to Reid's mouth. And then it was just like falling and their lips were touching, their mouths moving against each other, tasting each other, Luke's hands fisted in Reid's shirt. He kissed Reid as if it was the answer to all his hunger and all his thirst.

Reid's hand trembled as it cupped Luke's face, as his fingers combed through Luke's hair. “Why do I get the feeling you're going to run away now?”

Luke swallowed, pulling back to lean his forehead against Reid's as he wrapped his hand around Reid's, holding it to his face. He shook his head, unable to think straight. “I don't want to.”

“Then don't,” Reid said. “Just stay. We don't have to do anything--”

Luke crushed his mouth against Reid's, shutting him up, climbing into his space, pressing their bodies as close as he could. There was a strange incoherent fear inside him telling him to run, but his heart seemed to beat out a different command.

Just stay. Just stay. Just stay.

Scared out of his mind, Luke held onto Reid. It seemed truly foolish to not to.

## ***

Luke was trying to deny it, but after a while it became apparent that he was in fact day dreaming. It was a slow afternoon and his morning with Reid... was distracting him. His faced burned hot just at the memory. He leaned against the wall and looked out of the store window. The snow was falling, people were walking, lives were being lived and a world was turning. It seemed bizarre that amidst all this, his and Reid's lives had still managed to converge somehow. Strange that any two people could find each other in the daily noise of life.

Luke straightened up when he spotted a familiar figure in a black coat. He was eyeing a flower stall. Then he walked away towards the pedestrian crossing, only to walk back to the flower stall to look again. Luke couldn't see it properly, but he knew Reid was pulling some strange face. Finally, he turned his back on the flowers and maybe Luke sighed with a little relief. Reid jogged over to the road and then Luke's vision was obscured by a bus which drove past at alarming speed.

A moment later Reid came back into view, his face turned in the direction of the bus before he finally looked away and crossed the road, walking into the store a few seconds later. Luke came up to the counter and smiled at him. Reid smiled back as smugly as Luke had expected.

Reid sighed. “So, met this great guy last night. He stayed over. We played doctor. Then when I woke up around noon he was gone. I was just wondering if you had any books that could help me find out if he's out there somewhere freaking out about something or--”

“He just had to go to work?” Luke asked.

“I think he owns his own business. I'm pretty sure if he called up sick his boss would be okay about it,” Reid said with a smile.

“His boss kind of has to think about the bills and wages he needs to pay, so maybe you're kind of wrong,” Luke said with a sweet smile.

Reid scowled and sighed. “Fine. Sell any gay porn here? I have a free afternoon.” An old lady who had just stepped into the store gave Reid a stern look. He smiled and said, “Merry Christmas.”

She ignored him, arching a brow at Luke and walking on. Luke gave Reid a stern look. “Can we do this later please?”

“Naked?” Reid asked. Luke got out from behind the counter, grabbing Reid and guiding him to the doors. Reid turned around so Luke ended up walking into Reid, Reid steadying him a hand on his arm. Reid said, “So, I was thinking.”

“You were?”

“Sure. I was thinking that you should have dinner with me tonight. We can keep bumping into each other too, if you like. I mean, I can do unpredictable dating.”

Luke grinned. “I'd like dinner very much, thank you.”

Reid gave Luke a narrow-eyed look. “Now that you know I can cook and have the world's most comfortable bed?”

Luke shrugged. “I'd be lying if I said those things didn't help.”

“Can't argue with that,” Reid said as Luke smiled, smoothing out the front of Reid's coat and letting go with a small tug.

“Also, there's this.” Luke reached into his pocket and took out a fifty cent piece, handing it to Reid. Reid frowned at it in confusion. Luke explained, “Fifty cents off for the kid with the cute face. I owe you.”

Reid looked at the money in his hand, chuckling. “I guess that's dinner paid for.” Reid leaned forward and kissed Luke's smiling mouth, pulling away with a pleased smile. “I'll see you later.”

Reid stepped back, smiling and leaving, Luke's eyes following him out of the doors and out of sight. Luke shivered against the snow cold breeze that had rushed in when the doors opened, shoving his hands into his pockets. Luke smiled to himself, turning towards the counter.

The doors opened. Luke turned to have Reid grab his hand, face flushed pink as he said, “Take the day off.”

“What?”

“Here's a thought. Take the day off. It's disgustingly beautiful outside and I want to spend the day with you and I don't think I can wait until dinner because I know it's only hours away, but it might as well be days and I'll just spend it walking up and down this street... God, please stop me before I say something really stupid--”

“Stop,” Luke said firmly. “You're babbling.”

Reid nodded, sounding breathless when he said, “Yeah, I do that. When I'm nervous.”

“You're nervous?”

“You make me nervous,” Reid said quietly, eyes darting around the almost empty store. “I guess it's because... I could really like you too. And it's all happening kind of fast and I'm not sure I care, which makes me even more nervous, which, by the way, is nowhere as nervous as I feel about the fifty cents in my pocket.”

Luke swallowed, slowly nodding. “Okay.”

Reid scowled. “Are you absolutely horrified?” Luke shook his head. “What-- what are you then?”

Luke gave a shaky laugh. “Nervous?”

Reid laughed, sounding no less shaky than Luke. “Okay. We're both nervous. That's okay. Right?”

“Yeah.” Luke nodded. He gave Reid's hand a squeeze. “Hold on a second.”

Luke ran into the small office, calling out, “Casey! I have to leave for a bit, I'll call you!”

“What? No no no! Don't you bail on me, I swear, Luke!” a voice called back from the store room as Luke grabbed his coat

At the counter, Luke asked Reid, “You have any plans?”

Reid grinned, shaking his head. “None at all.”

Reid went to the door and held out a hand, which Luke took without hesitation. His heart thumped with that strange old worry, but Luke pushed it aside. It was a beautiful day and his hand was tight around Reid's, tight enough that his heart could beat the way it was supposed to.

 **-the end-**


End file.
